How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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