Swine flu. Run for my life!
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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