Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize