what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
