sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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