okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
