i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
