Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
