We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She even gives head with a lisp.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
