chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
