So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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