definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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