Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
