that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
