so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
