She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
