toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
