you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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