I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize