is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She swung at the pinata with crutches
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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