Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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