i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
