No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Randomize
