all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
