Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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