After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
