2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
