Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
