I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
