your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think I died a long time ago.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Be still, my beating vagina.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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