I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My vagina is very pro this idea
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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