I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
