Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize