Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
