Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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