did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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