Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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