Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
