In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Barsexuality is the new black.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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