Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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