So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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