Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
