When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
