ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
