Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
