I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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