I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
