No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
