I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
