My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
