dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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