They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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