I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
