I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
