uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
