first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
