the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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