wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
