he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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