Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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