you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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