and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
