they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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