Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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