I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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