I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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