Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
