I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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